Mood: Jhené Aiko, 3:16 A.M.
Time: 23:14 Setting: my bed Current Netflix Binge Show: Girl Boss It has been a while since I have been back on this wonderful platform. Missed it a bit. i have been having some weird withdrawals and have felt such strong, unknown emotions. I feel antisocial and detached from a lot of my life. I am scared to get sucked back into the plethora of "fakeness." Semester at Sea really was in my opinion, social media rehab. It was a wake up call, that life exists outside of what device I hold in my hand. It was refreshing only being connected for spurts through crappy wifi in Ghana or India. The moment i got back, I got attacked with the question, what is next? These past four months were all about the present. i experienced so much, so quick. It was a slap in the face. A needed slap in the face. The stress I take on, the people I surround myself with, the actions I do, are all ME. All my decisions. I am surprised at how much I have grown up. It was a time of my life, where I really needed to self-reflect. The sad thing is, I needed to be stranded in the middle of the ocean, for me to reflect and talk to myself. I am scared of myself sometimes. I have cried more in these past two weeks, than I ever have in my life. It is unbelievable. Semester at Sea was a portal of vulnerability for me. Letting your guard down is hard and not having technology to defend yourself was crucial in my growth. Not knowing was okay, not being good at something was okay, not understanding was okay. Every so often, I smile and reminisce to how easy it was to talk to people on the ship. The conversations were boring at times, redundant at times, or even stupid. We would argue over what was better: tacos or burritos? The thing is, I could write a novel about each of my close friends on the ship, but my close friends off the ship, not nearly as much. How ridiculous is that? Snapchat has become concerts, drinking, and dogs. Instagram, a facade. Facebook, a link to every other account, inescapable. But hey, that is the world we live in. I am not mad, but I am disappointed that we choose the flashier or better option, instead of the simple, duller one. Impress me with how boring you are, not with that mask of rich bling. Evaluate yourself and your close friends. Judge your situation from a third person's POV. Or else you will never know.
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AuthorNabiha Jiwani Archives
March 2017
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